


Undertale - Hopes and Dreams. A 2% Original Undertale AU!

by daniellocastin



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe, But is it REALLY random tho?, Chaos, Dreams, Duality, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Meta, Metafiction, Morally Grey, Nihilism, Other, Randomness, Reader Is Not Frisk (Undertale), References to Depression, Serious, Shoehorning, Silly, Tag Reading, Unreliable Narrator, Weirdness, hopes, references, weird relationships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-21
Updated: 2020-04-12
Packaged: 2020-12-17 10:28:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21052883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daniellocastin/pseuds/daniellocastin
Summary: I wanted to make an Undertale AU about hopes and dreams, but turns out I don't have the skills or resources to make a traditional picture-based AU on my own. So I turned that realization into a story.Featuring:-Only one character change: Asgore <-> Toriel-Excuses for writing the rest of this list-Hopes-Dreams-References-Up-The-Wazoo-White knuckle shopping cart races-The fifth fold-Some spiky red rock carved into a knife and a pendant-Aldebaranians-Forgetting a thousand things every day-Bell peppers and beef-Can you really call it bell peppers and beef, there's no beef in it or anythingOkay, I may have lied. A little. Anyhow, the general summary of my AU is simply that many strange, seemingly random changes are afoot after Asgore switches place with Toriel. Many characters have been reduced to little more than... REFERENCES TO OTHER FANDOMS! OoOoOoOoO! Frisk must traverse a strangely familiar, yet unfamiliar world once again as they make their way to the safety of the capital. Will they make it?! Tune in next time on Dragon-Erm, I mean, Undertale: Hopes and Dreams! I hope you enjoy reading this!





	1. Intro

Long ago, two races ruled over Earth: HUMANS and MONSTERS.

One day, war broke out between the two races.

After a long battle, the humans were victorious.

They sealed the monsters underground with a magic spell.

Many years later...

Legends say that those who climb the mountain never return.


	2. Ruins: Flowey's Intro

Your eyes are flooded with a blinding white light, but you can hear the chirping and flapping of a few birds above. You sit yourself up, and as your vision slowly adjusts, you start to recognize figures and shapes all around-a flower here, a rock there-until they coalesce into one coherent scene. You're lying in a bed of damp, golden flowers that shine brilliantly in the light; They must have broken your fall. The floor of the cavern you're in is almost completely covered in the golden flowers, save for the spaces occupied by some rocks and Roman columns. Some columns are still at full height with flat tops, and some have broken and worn to a stump. But all of them had their once brilliant white dirtied to a beige with pitted and scratched surfaces.

You stand up and walk down the only path leading out of the cavern, coming into a dark room with only a single light in the center illuminating an empty patch of grass. You inch closer and closer to the suspiciously lit patch of grass, and hovering your face over it, you find...

...

Nothing happens. You tenderly place a foot on the grass, then you shift your weight on it, then you try stomping on it. Some tufts of shredded grass fly into the air as you vigorously trim the lusciously verdant lawn. Nothing.

...

You walk past the patch of grass.

"Hey, wait!"

_(Suggested music: <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jAHyUKtcXrY>)_

You instantly spin around. You see a golden flower with a face right in the center. He has a friendly smile and speaks in a cheery, high-pitched tone.

"You don't want to go too far yet, these ruins are a dangerous place! Let me introduce myself."

"Howdy! I'm Flowey! Flowey the flower! You must be new to the Underground, arent'cha? Golly, you must be so confused. Someone ought to teach you how things work around here! I guess little old me will have to do."

You unexpectedly feel yourself become... exposed. Like invisible gates opened up in your body and uncovered the very core of your being.

"Do you feel that? That is your soul, the very culmination of your being. You can get stronger if you gain a lot of LV, or LOVE!"

You stare at Flowey in confusion.

"Don't you want some LOVE?"

You keep staring at him, his face sours to a vexed scowl and his cheery voice dampens. "What? What are you looking at me like that for? Don't you believe me?" A few seconds of silence pass, then he smiles in embarrassment. "O-oh, you must be scared, aren't you? Well don't worry! Down here, we share our LOVE through little, white..."

"...friendliness pellets!" He winks his left eye, and conjures several white pellets around him from thin air. "Ready? Run into them!"

He slowly moves the pellets to you, and you slowly move out of their way.

"**You know what's going on here, don't you?**" he bellows with a demonic growl. Suddenly, several vines punch through the ground and tightly wrap around you! You writhe as the vines squeeze... you. His eyes darken and hollow and he furls an unholy smile. "You just wanted to see me suffer."

He constricts even... more and forms a ring of pellets around you.

"**DIE.**"

He lets out a wicked laugh, the pellets move slowly towards you, and you struggle... and... struggle...

...

...

The pellets... suddenly disappear, leaving him completely befuddled. Before he can say anything, a garden spade flies from behind him and smacks him, sending him flying into the darkness. The vines constricting you disappear into the ground.

_ (Suggested music: <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P9Mp1ZtbiTo>)_

"Human, are you alright?!" shouts a deep voice as you see a tall figure running towards you. You take a few steps back, and the thunderous stomps dial down to a gentle walk as he nears and becomes fully visible. He's a white, bipedal goat with a golden blonde beard and long hair, and a set of small fangs on his upper teeth. Two thick white horns protrude from the top of his head and arc behind it. He's wearing blue pants and a knitted pink sweater that only makes his already broad figure fuller. Once he's in front of you, he gently kneels down, his eyes glimmering in the light as he widely smiles.

"Don't be scared. I don't know why anyone would want to hurt someone as helpless as you, but you don't need to fear, for I am here to help. I am Asgore."

He tenderly holds out a hand. You hesitate, then you slowly slide a hand over his massive, fuzzy paw. His expression shifts to one of concern. "You have fallen into a world completely different from your own. You have much to learn." His face quickly lights back up. "But I will help you through it. Come with me." He stands up while holding your hand, and starts to walk.


	3. Ruins: The Tutorial

Asgore moves down a hallway with brick walls shaded in a strange light purple decor. There's lushly green leaves brushed to the sides that don't seem to look the slightest bit decayed.

"We are in what's called the **Underground**. Long ago, some of your kind cast a..."

You find yourself zoning out of his long explanation, which doesn't interest you for some reason. It feels like something you've already heard before. But then you think to yourself, "Wait a minute, I've never heard any of this before. What's the barrier? What's Mt. Ebott? I should really listen to what Asgore's saying." But you for some reason get a **very** strong urge to not listen, and you roll your eyes as you begrudgingly tune out. You analyze your new surroundings to pass the time, noticing many cracks and holes in the rough bricks. You look up and see circular electric lights on the ceiling that illuminate the hallway, some occasionally flickering. You think to yourself if someone was looking from above they wouldn't be able to see these lights and would wonder how this underground space is being lit. 

"Human, do you understand what I just told you?"

You snap out of your bored stupor and nod and smile. He smiles too. "Good. I thought you were daydreaming for a second. The Underground has a long history, I understand it's a lot to take in. You are not the first human to fall into the Underground. I have taken care of many before you. But you... you are the first to fall in a very long time." He looks again at you with glimmering eyes and a wide smile. "I almost thought there wouldn't be any more." It's not long before he walks into a large room with two grey stone stairs that converge at the entrance of another room.

"Long ago when these ruins were first built, we built these silly puzzles in them." He nervously smiles. "I don't remember why, it has been a long time. But regardless, it will be important for you to learn how to solve them on your own."

As he walks up one of the stairs, you notice in a pile of leaves something... shining. You start to pull away from Asgore. "Hm? Do you want something?"You point to the shiny yellow sparkling thing in the pile of leaves. "You want to play in those leaves? Certainly! Take your time!" You go next to the shiny thing and put a single finger on it. He squints for a second. "Ah! Making new imaginary friends? That's wonderful, you can never have too many friends! What's their name?"

You ignore Asgore and reach into the save point. You reflect on all your experiences so far and savor those memories. You feel everything you've done in this world made more enduring than ever before in spite of your short journey through these caverns. But most importantly, you're filled with determination. You see a save menu, and-

...

You save. It says, "Changes saved." and resets the name and timer with yours.

You walk out of the save point and look at Asgore, who's patiently whistling a tune trying to pretend nothing weird is happening. Once he sees you're done you both move on. You walk into a room with a few switches on the ground and a yellow lever on the wall. There's a sign which reads, "Only the fearless may proceed. Brave ones, foolish ones. Both walk not the middle road." Tucked in the corner of the room is a rectangular silver metallic vent with the grate hanging open.

"This puzzle requires you to step on these switches in a certain order to open the door. Step on this switch here." He points to a switch, and then you step on the wrong switch for some reason. "Oh! Looks like you stepped on the wrong switch! Here, let me reset it!" He pulls the lever and it resets the switches. He points to the switch again. "This one!" 

You still step on the wrong switch. He breaks another nervous smile as he pulls the lever and points to the switch again. And for some reason, you still step on the wrong switch. "O-oh, you must want to play with these switches, don't you? Well, take your time having fun then!"

You step on the switches to your hearts content as he yet again awkwardly whistles a tune. You stomp around like a big green dinosaur chasing a moth, then you roll over like a log ridden by a lumberjack. While playing hopscotch with the switches, you-by virtue of chance-eventually step on the switches in the right order. "Okay, now pull the yellow lever!" He exclaims, pointing to it. And you do. The door opens.

"Excellent work! You are very... different from the other humans. I've never met anyone of your caliber before, I'll keep that in mind going forward!" He sheepishly compliments.

* * *

Asgore's gaze is fixed to the side, avoiding eye contact as his limits are tested in the war against wits. You run around with your arms outstretched like an airplane and mouth the whine of a fighter jet. You see a yellow lever, grasp it to swing around, and accidentally pull it, sending some spikes blocking the way into the ground. "Excellent work, human! Let's keep going now!" He says, his forehead glistening as he maintains his timid smile.

"Now, you will learn how to encounter other monsters." His voice and expression have returned to normal. "I understand it may sound strange to have to learn how to greet someone, but there can be many... miscommunications between humans and monsters. Not every monster understands how to greet your kind, and consequently you may react the wrong way. Over here is a harmless dummy you can practice that on. Say hi to him, have a nice conversation! I will intervene as necessary." He puts a hand on your back and points another hand to the dummy.You immediately notice this "dummy" is a hovering yellow star with dark green eyes, bushy white eyebrows, and a large white mustache that covers his entire mouth-if he has one. You look at Asgore in confusion, he smiles and pushes your back. 

...

You walk over and encounter the "dummy", feeling your core open up. A heavenly tune starts to play and you feel the presence of a power from beyond this world.

_(__Suggested music: [For a very short, awkward encounter](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q5gPGBQdneA))_

"Well hello there! Can you Understand me? **♡♪!?**"

You say yes.

"Wonderful! My name is Eldstar. I'm from Shooting Star Hill, and I'm quite lost." He slowly hovers circles around you, and it's immediately apparent he's paper-thin. Clouds of sparkly rainbow glitter puff from him as you feel a mysterious energy diffusing inside your soul. "Hmm, you aren't like anything I've encountered before. Do you know where we are?"

You say we're in the Underground. "The Underground? Underground what?"

That's what it's called. "Oh, I see."

...

You try asking him about the weather. "Well, we're underground, so there's naturally not very much."

...

"Do you know how I can get to Shooting Star Hill from here?" You say you've never heard of the place.

"Hmm, there has to be a way."

He propels himself with a jet of rainbow glitter and corkscrews as he flies into the sky, rapidly disappearing and reappearing whenever the side of his paper-thin figure faces you. 

YOU WON! Got 0 Experience Points and 0G! 


	4. Ruins: The Star Man

"Huh, the dummy didn't tell me he could fly..." Asgore ponders, raising an eyebrow. "But regardless, you did excellent! You peacefully resolved the situation without any hiccups or mishaps. I think you'll be able to handle anyone now!"

...

"My home is further down these ruins. Follow me!"

You feel surprisingly... unsurprised. There was a literal starman, you were expecting your mind to be blown. But the middling banter only leaves you feeling... meh. Before you can start walking, he puts a hand on his mouth and looks straight ahead for a while. "Oh my... I forgot about the..."

...

He uneasily looks down at you, his fuzzy forehead damp yet again. "Human, I am terribly sorry to ask you of this, but do you think you can wait here? I just realized I left the oven on."

You uneasily nod back, his face turns into a cherry garnish. "I-I'm so sorry." He stammers. "Please, take my cellphone. I'll get another one once I get home so you can call me." He gives you his cellphone, showing which number to call. " It won't be long, I assure you! I'm sure nothing bad will happen!" he tries to assure you before running off.

And thus you cross your arms and wait. You stare at the surroundings, and notice the purple brick walls of the ruins, as purple and ruined as they've ever been. You notice the verdantly green leaves brushed to the side, still looking as if they were freshly fallen. You notice the dirt and grime on the floor, incredibly dirty and grimy as ever. You notice the round ceiling lights, which are... lights.

...

You can't hold much longer. The boredom drills at your mind like a needle. You don't quite feel your sanity being drained, yet it penetrates deeply all the more. You sit down, you walk around, you roll around like a log. Anything to stop the boredom.

_Ring..._

You immediately pick up. "Hello? *cough* It's me, Asgore. I'm just *cough* calling to check up on you. How are you doing?

You say you're good, but you're worried about his coughing. "Ah. *cough cough* Well I told you I left the oven on, and I burned the... casserole I was making for myself. *cough* But do not worry, everything is fine now. I will need to clean up a few things, however. Do you think you can stay there a little longer?"

...

You say yes. "I know you must be very bored over there. How about I tell you a joke, and you think about the answer while waiting for me to call back? Here's one: What's the least spoken language in the world?"

_Click..._

You furrow your brows as you ponder the oh-so intellectually stimulating jester from your guide in spirit. Could it be Irish? Hawaiian? Some language from a tribe in the middle of a rainforest? Too many possibilities. You think to yourself, what even distinguishes a language from a dialect or an accent anyway? Could a New York accent be another language on its own? You can barely understand them through the honking and yelling...

_Ring..._

You immediately pick up, but all you hear is scuffling and banging. "Hello? Little white dog, can you give me back my phone, please?" You hear Asgore plead, but he sounds distant. You suddenly hear what sound like claws scraping rapidly on the ground. "Please, a human is waiting for me. I need to talk to them..."

"_Meow!_"

"Huh??? There's a cat now???" Before you can say anything, the phone hangs up.

...

You've had enough. You resolve to wander through the maze of halls and rooms on your own. You go into another room and despite the identical decor, you feel completely rejuvenated. The freedom of life on your own terms has made it feel like a whole another world of peace and harmony, liberated from the tyranny of dependence. You look at the purple bricked walls of ruins, still pitted and rough, visibly aged decades beyond yours. You look at the covering of fallen foilage on the sides of the room, freshly green, looking as if it hasn't aged a day. The layer of filth on the floor ceases to become your enemy as you admire one another and share appreciation for the ten minute journeys in life that lead you here. The lights hang high in the magenta sky, radiating pale, vivifying light that enables life in the ruins.

"Okay, nothing's changed" you think to yourself. But at least you're free, right?

...

As you're pouting to your self, you catch a glimpse of a white figure peeking at you from an entrance to another room. Just as you turn your head, it disappears behind the entrance. You slowly walk to the entrance, peek your head around it, and see a Froggit cowering in a corner almost to the point of terror. 

You continue slowly approaching the Froggit while holding a hand out, before realizing it doesn't have any hands. You awkwardly tuck them behind your back and smile. "Ribbit. (A-are y-you f-friendly?)" 

You remember the stick you were holding not too long ago. You pull it out of your pocket-noting it's almost as long as you-and drop it on the ground, holding your hands up. The Froggit relaxes his body and smiles with you. "Ribbit, ribbit. (That is good. I am sorry for observing you like that. Perhaps I can tell you then.)"

He looks a little to the side and sighs. "(These ruins have been changing a lot. Many new monsters have been moving in from a far away place. Some of those close to us-our brothers and sisters, aunts and uncles-they've been changing too. I should warn you some of them might try to hurt you.)"

Then he moves directly next to you, its eyes turning desperate. "Ribbit ribbit. (But please, don't hurt them. I know how you would feel if someone started attacking you. But please, understand they still matter to us. Some of them are all I have in these Ruins.) Ribbit."

...

You kneel, put a hand on his shoulder, and nod. "Ribbit. (Thank you.)" He says, smiling. As you get up and turn around, you bump into...

...

You bump into a tall, metallic statue. It has over sized pads for feet and single, smooth tentacles for arms that are locked to its hips, its pose high and proud. It's head looks like a rounded helmet that seamlessly blends with the body, bearing a black horizontal visor where the eyes should be. On the left side of its body is a strange logo of an upside-down triangle and a few rectangles below. A wig of short, bushy red hair with a neck-length mullet sits unnaturally on top of its head. Nevertheless, you feel your soul become exposed, and you prepare for an encounter!

"HELLO HUMAN." It says with a monotone, robotic voice. "WELCOME TO THE UNDERGROUND. WHERE LIFE PERSEVERES NO MATTER THE BLEAKNESS OF TIME, WHERE EVERY DAY WE MUST FIND A NEW LIGHT TO GUIDE US THROUGH OUR CHRONOLOGY OF DARKNESS. YOUR PRESENCE THROWS THE TIME IN A TOTAL MISALIGNMENT, FREE TO FLOW HOWEVER YOU MAY WISH. UP, DOWN, LEFT, RIGHT, THROUGH THE GROUND OR INTO THE AIR, IT MEANS NOTHING WHEN IT CAN BE ANYTHING. BUT MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL IS THIS QUESTION..."

"...DO YOU BELIEVE IN LIFE ON MARS?"

...

Umm, no.

"VERY WELL."

You suddenly feel a sharp blow to the back of your head! You spin around as you reel and see three Froggits dressed in round white sailor caps and blue neckerchiefs, holding their muscular arms in fisticuffs!

"We've had six drambuies, and we're not gonna let you ruin our night! You better believe in it, or else...!"

You curl a hand in a fist as you massage the back of your head. Then you remember what the Froggit said, and you unclench it. You exasperatingly tell them that there is no life on mars.

"Alley oop!"

A stone axe swings from behind and cracks and shatters the ground next to you, and you instinctively jump away! You spin around again, and see three Froggits in dark furry loin cloths, wielding stone axes in their brawny arms!

"Oog! Booga booga booga! Hurr?! Uggh!" You put both your palms forward, and say to them no, look, stop it. There's no life on mars. Please stop attacking me. 

"Go ahead."

You look to your side, and jump upon seeing a Froggit in a brown wool suit and cardigan wielding a massive revolver in their hands! You throw your hands in the air and sweat profusely as he cocks the hammer of his magnum handgun!

"Make my day."

You rapidly nod your head up and down as you tell them that yes, you now believe in life on mars. "HOOORRAAAAY!" They all cheer as streamers and confetti shoot from an unknown source in the air, trumpets blaring in victory. You look back at where the statue was-still profusely sweating-only to see it isn't there anymore.

"AND NOW YOU SEE THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF THIS ALL." You jump away and spin behind you as his droning voice assaults your overstimulated mind. "EVEN THOUGH THERE ISN'T LIFE ON MARS..."

You deeply frown and sigh in disbelief. "THE MOST IMPORTANT PART WAS THAT YOU BELIEVED IN IT. CARRY MY WORDS WELL NOW."

YOU WON! You earned 0 EXP and 300 Gold!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not a particularly big fan of David Bowie, I did the research and put it in just for the lols. Besides, someone else reading this might like it.


	5. Ruins: The Cactus Man

You look back at the Froggit with a disgusted expression. You say to him, "Your relatives are crazy. What the heck is wrong with them?"

"Ribbit. (I don't know who any of those froggits are.)"

"Oh." You awkwardly put a hand behind your neck.

"Ribbit. (But you did well. You held back, even when they were threatening you. You have great strength, human." They smile. "Ribbit. (You need to get to Asgore's home, right? May I accompany you?)"

You nod, then you follow as they lead the way. "Ribbit. (I'm sorry you had to experience everything back there. That statue wearing a wig... it just showed up one day completely out of the blue, and overnight those froggits were worshiping it like it was a god. They became so obsessively enamored over it they left everyone they knew. They started wearing those costumes and those fake muscular arms, and now they go around asking everyone if they believe in life on some planet called 'Mars'.)" He sighs. "Ribbit, ribbit. (But the part where it gets really strange is that everyone else acts like nothing's wrong, that things have been this way for a while. I've tried for days and days to convince them things were different back then. But its... its...)"

He stops with a distressed look on his face. "Ribbit. (Am I the one who isn't accepting reality? W-What if these things have just been inside everyone but I didn't know it? My first cousin, she always dreamed about being a sailor, and her brother always knew being a lawyer wouldn't have been anywhere near as exciting as being a knight...)".

"Are you okay?" you ask him in response. His eyes dart back and forth as he anxiously ponders his confusing reality. The Froggit's words have gotten you thinking too. How confusing it would be if reality changed overnight and you woke to a world completely out of order. You're not sure how to feel about it. "Ribbit ribbit. (I'm sorry if I distressed you with my thoughts. These past few weeks have been stressful on me, as you've just seen. I know I shouldn't yield no matter how much the world around me says otherwise. I have to hold onto the truth that this is not right. But why then? What's going on?"

You put a hand on the Froggit's shoulders and comfort him with a smile. "Hang on" you tell him. As he turns around to smile back, he bumps into a grey rock with floating white gloved hands about his size. There's some sort of metal pressure plate near him. 

"Croak. (Oh no)" he croaks.

"Uh oh! Looks like Wimpy Wimble's made his way to the ring! He's challenging The Rock! Oh my god Wimpy Wimble's challenged The Rock!!" you hear an awestruck announcer shout. "He's gonna get it, The Rock is fed up with his shenanigans!!"

"AND WHAT DO WE HAVE HERE?!" The Rock shouts, pointing to the Froggit. "THIS LITTLE CROAKER CHALLENGING ME TO A MATCH YET AGAIN?!"

"Ribb- (No, I was just pass-)"

"WELL I DON'T THINK WE TAUGHT THIS CROAK WHAT'S FOR, HAVE WE?!" he yells as he throws his hands up. You hear a non-existent crowd cheer The Rock on. "LETS SHOW HIM WHO RULES SUPREME! LETS SHOW THIS BAD BOY, COMING UP AND DISRESPECTING **MY** REIGN WHO. IS THE. ULTIMATE CHAMPION IN THE U.W.E!!!"

The rock lifts the Froggit above himself as he panics and struggles to no avail. "ARE YOU READY TO ROCK?!" he shouts as the imaginary crowd is riled up. "ARE WE READY TO SEND THIS LOSER TO ROCK BOTTOM?!"

You grab the Froggit and attempt to stop the rock. "Oh no, Wimpy's partner is trying to interfere with The Rock's signature move!" the announcer shouts. "WELL LOOK WHAT WE HAVE HERE! WIMPY'S PARTNER THE PHOENIX HAS ARRIVED TO SAVE THE DAY! BUT THERE IS NO DAY LEFT TO SAVE ANYMORE, PHOENIX! FOR THIS. IS. ABOUT. TO. BE. THE. **GREATEST NIGHT IN U.W.E**!!!" He takes his other hand and lifts you above him. "**ARE WE READY**?!"

He gently throws both of you down on the pressure plate. You both hardly feel anything as the plate sags into the ground and cushions your impacts. Spotlights come on and shine on some spikes that were completely blocking the way. The spikes slip into the ground, and the crowd explodes into a deafening roar. "R-ribbit. (Oh phew, good thing he was faking it this-"

"Oh no, he hasn't had enough, The Rock wants more, he's going into a rage, he's performing another signature move!!" you hear the announcer shout. The rock runs, jumps into the air, and lands right next to the Froggit. The Froggit grimaces from an invisible elbow blow. "He's done it, the people's elbow!! He's taken him down with the people's elbow!! I cannot believe what's happening!! Oh my god!!!" the announcer cries. You help the Froggit up and look around for The Rock as you unsheath your stick. But he's disappeared.

"Croak... (Ow)". There's an indent on his crumpled face where The Rock landed his elbow. "Croak. (I wish he would do his fake routine more often.)" A wave of pity settles in your heart seeing him in such a sorry state. Then you remember the bandage on your knee. You peel the smarmy bandage off your largely healed scrape, and put it on the Froggit's indent. He smiles. "Ribbit. (I'm not sure a bandage will be useful for what he did to me, to tell the truth. But still, thank you for thinking of me.)"  
  
"Ribbit. (And also, what's that red stuff on your bandage?)"   
  
...  
  
You nervously smile and tell him its just some dye. "Ribbit. (Hmm, I did not know humans had red dye inside of them. Anyway, let's get to Asgore's home, shall we?)"

Suddenly, you hear the clopping of a horse's hooves. "Croak. (Oh no.)"  
  


The clopping grows steadily louder as the ungulate draws near. Then, around the corner of a doorway to another room, you see a brown horse with a white stripe down its face gallop in at breakneck pace, heeling and letting out a withering winnie as its rider brings it to a stop. Sitting atop a full sized leather saddle and holding full sized reins is a diminutive figure of orange fire wearing a proportionally diminutive white ten gallon. "HALT! You won't be breakin' out under mah watch! Ah'm Cowboy Flamesman, but you can call me Wyatt Earp!" he shouts in a western accent. You stare in utter disbelief-you couldn't be making this up any more if you tried-but fear comes over the Froggit's face.   
  
_Suggested music: [For double the trouble](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OaKH9bywzgQ)_

"Croak. (Oh nooooooooooooo.)"

"Now, y'all put your hands up and we can settle this real quickly and quietly."

"R- (But I don't have-)"

"Ah said **PUT YER HANDS UP**!"

You raise your hands while the Froggit is paralyzed by terror as sweat rolls down his pale sheath. But you, you just can't believe someone dressed as freaking Cowboy Andy is bossing you around. "Wait, who's Cowboy Andy?", you think to yourself. You know what, nevermind. "THIS guy is telling us what to do? A guy who looks like they just came out of an 1870's gaming convention?" You will not take **anything** from him. You raise your voice and tell him, "We're not criminals. We're just trying to get to Asgore's home."  
  
"Oh-ho! So you ain't outlaws, huh? Well then, ah'll just let ya go and make ya promise me not t' terrorize the ranchers and rob the general store! Like hell ah would! But... ah ain't a man of words, ah'm a man of **action**! Ya wanna go free? Prove t' me you ain't outlaws then!"  
  
...  
  
"How." You peevishly ask him. 

"Here, take one of mah guns!" He hands you a tiny revolver and points to a far away wall. "Now, ya see that hole in the distance? Try hittin' it. And don't ya dare point at me or you'll see why ah'm the hottest hand in the ruins!" 

You attempt to grasp the revolver, but as you're squeezing your finger into the trigger guard, you accidentally fire a round into the ground, and the gun flies out of your hand. "Ha! Was that the best ya got?! You couldn't hit the broad side of a barn!". He snickers as he grabs his revolver and you pinch your temples. "Now, take mah lasso and wrangle Wimble over there!"

"C-Croak. (P-Please.)"

Fireguy hands you a thin lasso made of twine. You intentionally throw it well astray of poor, terrified Wimble. "Well I'll be damned, did yer mother spill hot bacon grease on yer hands when you were a baby? You couldn't loop the horns of a buck over a fireplace!" He sneers. "Now, for yer final test, ride mah steed Onyx in a circle. Pass and ah'll let you and Wimble ride into the sunset. Forever!" 

You approach Onyx, staring for a minute as you figure out how to get your childish vessel atop a full-sized horse. You put a foot on a stirrup and you step up, awkwardly reaching up and grasping whatever leather you can to maintain a grip. Then you heave yourself up the remainder of the way using your scrawny arms, flopping yourself on your stomach atop the saddle. You carefully scoot a leg over, and then sit yourself upright on the saddle. You take the reins, give it a good whip, and Onyx immediately rears up with explosive force, tumbling you off the saddle. "BAH-HAHAHAHAHA! Any decent rider would know ya never lash the reins hard like that! What do ya think this is, a movie?! Ya think they do that cause it works?!"  
  
You get up with a scowl, which even then hides the inferno pushing you to unleash your rage on him. "Welp, ya done failed all the tests ah've given ya. Ya know what that means?" He points at your face with his revolver, and right as your heart sinks into your stomach, he twirls it and puts it back in his leather holster. "Ya go free!"  
  
"What." You puff in disbelief.  
  
"Yeah, that's right! Y'all couldn't punch yer way outta a wet cardboard jail if ah gave ya the keys! You've proven t' me y'all are the worst outlaws in existence, you couldn't do any harm! So here ya go, you've earned yer freedom! Now y'all can ride into the sunset, without me shootin' ya! Which is what ah would've done had ya successfully rode Onyx in a circle." He jumps up on his horse and gently grabs its reins. "Hya!" He shouts, effortlessly galloping it into the nest room and beyond.  
  
"Ribbit. (I have no idea where he came from. We didn't have any fire monsters in these ruins until he came along. But yet again, even with his life-threatening antics, you didn't attack him. Goodness, you are much stronger than the last human who came here.)"  
  
"What?" you query.  
  
"Ribbit. (Oh my, excuse me for my words. Perhaps there's another time to talk about that. Let's keep moving, shall we?)" And with that, you both keep moving.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm also not a particularly big fan of W.W.E, but hey, someone else might enjoy it, right?


End file.
